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CHOICES IN CHILDBIRTH

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ESSENTIAL CONVERSATIONS
FOR PREGNANCY, BIRTH AND BEYOND

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NAVIGATING HOPE AND FEAR

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CHANEL: The reason why I wanted us
to meet up together today

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is to be able to have
the opportunity to really connect,

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get to know one another,

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and for us to start
to do some work here.

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I always start off with:

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What is your vision
for your birthing experience?

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And people will oftentimes be like,

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"Well, what do you mean
what's my vision?

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We're going to the hospital, right?"

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And I'd be like, "No, no, no.
What do you want for yourself?"

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ANDREA: Because people
don't think about,

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"I should have
a good birthing experience."

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They just know,
"I'm going to have this baby,"

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they don't think about how
I should experience having my baby.

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What the outcomes should look like
for me to give birth to my child.

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POOJA: I've probably attended
thousands of births at this point,

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but I don't think
anything could have prepared me

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for being in that position myself.

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And not just attending births,

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but I've actually led
quality initiatives

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and thought about
how we measure quality

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and how we show up the same way,
every time for every birth.

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But when I myself was pregnant

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and moving through
this experience for the first time,

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it wasn't so much thinking
about the rare, scary events,

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it was like, "What do I eat?"

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"How much water
am I supposed to be drinking?"

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"When was the last time you felt
this baby move, and is that okay?"

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I needed someone to just talk to
about all of the normal stuff.

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And I don't think
that I really understood

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that embodied feeling until I was going
through the day-to-day of it myself.

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IT CAN BE NORMAL TO FEEL STRESS
ABOUT PREGNANCY, BIRTH AND PARENTING.

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MIMI: We have to accept
that fear is part of the process

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instead of trying
to push it out of the room

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or anesthetize it or numb it,

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that it actually serves a physiologic
role in the process that you need

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Even as parents,

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you need a little bit of fear
to keep everybody safe, almost,

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or to know
what the tension in the room is.

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And I do think that sometimes we forget

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that fear is a part
of the human experience

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and particularly plays a role
in labor and birth.

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SEVONNA: It's the difference
between sitting and preparing

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against maternal mortality
or morbidities that we know about

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and being prepared
for a level of vitality.

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So many women
that I speak to or that I support

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really go into birth thinking

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that it's like another thing that's
going to be checked off of a list,

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or it's going to be
a very cold, sterile experience

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that really just needs
to get over with and done

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rather than something
to be fully present for

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and something to ask
exciting questions about along the way.

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HOPE AND JOY ARE IMPORTANT PARTS
OF YOUR JOURNEY, TOO.

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CHANEL: People need to know
that they're not alone, right?

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And sometimes the birthing experience
can seem lonely

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and it could feel
extremely difficult, right?

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But this is where
we're using those affirmations

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of reminding them of their power.

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Reminding them
that they have the strength.

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What was one of the things
that you used to remind yourself

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when you felt like,
"This is getting rough"?

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CAROLINA: Just repeating, whether
that's writing or saying out loud,

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"You got this. You've done so much
before you got to this point.

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You can get to that point."

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That reminder to yourself is like,
"Yeah, I'm really all I need."

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Right. I love a good sticky note.

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So like a sticky note, dry-erase marker,

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you can put something
on a mirror to remind yourself:

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I am powerful, I am strong,
I am capable, I am here.

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I am doing this.

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TIKVAH: A lot of times,
in African-American culture,

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it's a big deal for us
because of the maternal mortality rate.

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We are three to four times
more likely to die.

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And so they want to make sure
that they are supported

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during their childbirth.

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CYNTHIA: Despite
all my reading and tutorials,

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the first time, I was still scared
because it was just me and my husband.

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Us against the world, so to speak.

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And like I said, we didn't have
that extra support, so I was scared.

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But that second time, I wasn't.

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TAYO: You were able to attach yourself
to something that you created,

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to a dream that you created,

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and you knew
that you were going to bring it about

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and you also knew
that everybody on your team,

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your midwife, your doula, your husband,

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was 100% down to carry that out.

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And I think that's what allows women
to feel that fearlessness, you know?

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There's nothing holding me back.

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There is nothing
that's going to stop me.

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Actually, there are people
who are going to help me get there

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because they believe in what I'm doing.

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They believe it's safe,
they believe it's right,

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and they want me
to have that kind of birth.

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LOOK FOR RESOURCES
TO WORK THROUGH YOUR FEARS.

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TALKING TO A FRIEND OR LOVED ONE
IS A GOOD WAY TO START.

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CHANEL: I want you
to be centered in joy.

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I want you to be centered in happiness.

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I want you to be centered in love.

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And I want you to know
that people genuinely care about you.

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So I'm going to do that
by getting to know about you.

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Tell me about you.

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Hope is really built on
who you choose to have centered

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in that particular experience.

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Hope is the joy that you want to create
around your birthing experience.

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Hope is the love that you want to see

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and the vision
that you have for yourself.

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And look beyond just the present,
you know, look into the future.

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Like, what does your future look like
and how has it built on that?

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ASHLEY: Imagine your baby
nice and cozy and warm,

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curled up inside of you,

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just waiting to meet you.

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And I want you to imagine
that we are breathing in

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all of the good things.

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All that is peaceful,

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all that is calming,

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all that is helpful to you.

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And we're going to breathe out
anything that doesn't serve us.

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For we know that you are
the expert on your body

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and that you are doing a great work.

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FOR MORE RESOURCES ON NAVIGATING HOPE
AND FEAR DURING PREGNANCY AND BEYOND,

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VISIT
EVERYMOTHERCOUNTS.ORG/CHOICESINCHILDBIRTH

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BROUGHT TO YOU BY
EVERY MOTHER COUNTS

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WITH SUPPORT BY
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